don't forget to remember me
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
have you ever had a bff?
i'm sure you all have. well. or should've. =]
anyways, let's just say you do have a bff. and she or he is like the cheese on your macaroni.
but what if at some point you have to leave your bff cause u gotta move somewhere far away for a while?
and when you come back at where you were before, your bff already got another friends that might be more fun or whatever than you.
then she/he just kinda leave you or step back like she/he never knew you before!
what will you do or how will you react?
in my case, i tried to talk to my bff. i asked her if there's something wrong..
i mean if she thinks her friends a lot more fun than me or maybe she thinks now i really changed in some ways she doesn't like..
the point is, i wanna know if she still wanna be my bff or not.
she's like all quiet and she said, 'aku sungkan ama kamu, wii..'
and i was just like.. all quiet. and looking at her.
i understand that she may feels a little bit awkward since i just got back from somewhere far away and sh*t, but i mean c'mon!
we've been bff since we were in 3rd grade, it's been 7 years til now!
did it leave nothing at all? all the things that we went through together for all those stinkin years?
i do miss my host family, friends, teachers and even richmond, but hey, that never means that i don't miss all these people back here.
i'm trying to adjust myself back to indonesia and it's really hard, even though it's suppose to be my own home.
i'm trying to talk to all these people at home again, trying to figure out what's hip today and happening so i don't just stare at them and understand nothing at all when they talk to me.
and i'm studying harder than everybody else, cause i know they're one step ahead than me cause i lost what they've learned in 11th grade.
they even told me to fill my 11th grade report card up if i wanna go to university in indonesia, which i think is kinda stupid cause i didn't just have fun while i'm in the states! i went to school, you idiot school people! x(
and this bff issue adds some more weigh on my shoulders.
well i'm sorry that i missed a year of her life time to pursue my own dream.
sorry that i changed, but c'mon everybody also changed.
but blaming and punishing me this way really isn't fair at all!
i know she was busy moving to a new house, that's why i didn't wanna bug her with my calls and sh*t.
i tried to join her and all her friends, but she doesn't seem to care.
neither do her friends. =[
i sent her a letter cause i'm too scared to tell her all these things by myself, and i don't think she cares either. =\
i know that's a very lunatic of me to sent her that letter, but i really can't say anything cause she never even call me or come over to my house anymore like she usually does.
and she was always with her group of friends, so what can i do? =\
well what else she wants me to do? does she want me to forget all that f**kin years that we went through?
oh God. i just don't see all the 'better things' in that. really. =[
please don't see me like i'm all that great and sh*t, cause i don't think i am.
i'm just me, i'm just trying to be myself.
it sucks soooooooo bad when they call me all that, 'amrik, amrik!' and all that sh*t cause i mean please! don't make it sounds so great and stuff.
ugh. that bugged the living crap outta me for the whole vacation! =\
but now i can face it more easily.
well. i just do what she also does, just try not to care.
is there any suggestion?
& lunna signed off @ 4:00 PM
people on the net calls me lunna while people i truly know knows me as mariana dewi rachmawati. got into this world 17 years ago on